I have a problem letting go.
I hold on to ideas. I hold on to comfort. I hold on to anger. I hold on to my ego.
And as much as I know I shouldn’t be doing that, I can’t help it many times.
No matter how much mindful practice I take, my mind has… well… a mind of its own. It chooses to do what I want.
But I still try to let go because that’s the only way I can get out of the place I am. A place I no longer wish to be. A place that has me uncomfortable but not uncomfortable enough that I want to shift.
Because I can’t let go.
I can’t let go of the comfort. Or the familiarity. Or the stability.
Although I know that each of these is just an illusion. An illusion designed to hide the reality. The reality that I’m being limited.
I no longer see a future where I am amazing. I no longer feel imaginative. I no longer feel the urge to let go.
So I get angry and fight against anything that I feel is holding me back. But the only thing holding me back is me.