This weekend I:
- Prepared a meal with my daughter, and she enjoyed the time spent together.
- The meal itself was great.
- Had a game night with the family.
- Spent a couple hours just reading.
Looking at it, this should have been a good weekend. I should have felt good at the end of it.
But I don’t.
Instead, what’s flooding my mind is all the work that I have piled up. And deliverables and deadlines that are looming and are likely to be missed. And people that I feel I will be letting down.
It’s overshadowed any goodwill that I should have had with the moments I’ve spent with my family.
And I feel guilty.
I feel guilty that I haven’t done the work that needs to be done.
I feel guilty because family moments seems like a distraction when it should be one of the most essential things in my life.
This is a “me” problem. Not being able to stay in the moment and focus on the present. Constantly future thinking and ruminating on the past.
This is a problem of attachment and not being able to let go.
And I feel guilty again. I feel as though I’ve been wasting all my time on self-improvement. That after all of this time, I still haven’t learned how to do that. It seems that I haven’t improved at all.
I have no idea if others feel like I do. And if they do, how do they deal with it? I wish someone would tell me.