I’ve always been a learner.
I would always be reading and inhaling information. Always attracted to new and exciting ideas.
I get my jollies in book stores and libraries. And I watch YouTube mainly for the educational content rather than the fail videos.
People have always thought of me as being “smart”. I don’t think I’ve very smart. And I don’t say it, but I do like feeling like I’m the smartest person in the room, even if it’s not always the case.
As I’ve gotten older though, it’s getting harder to remember and harder to focus.
Feels like I’m losing my edge.
As I have that feeling, it feels as though I’m losing… me.
If I’m not the “smart” one anymore, then who am I?
Just an impostor? A used-to-be?
With all the new things and new ways to learn, it feels like a great time to be alive. Yet, I’m overwhelmed and feel even dumber. Like I’ve been fooling myself for all my life.
I have to keep telling myself to keep going. Just spend the next 15 minutes. Just read these 2 pages. Just do this one exercise.
It takes tremendous willpower sometimes. And at the end of the day, when there is little willpower left, I have to call on sheer determination to make something happen.
But that’s so draining. And it doesn’t always work.
But I keep going. One step at a time. One minute. One page. One test.
Because I love learning new things. I should stop identifying as smart, and just identify as a learner.
You see, I’ve always been a learner.