For the longest while, I’ve complained about not having enough time to do the things I want to do or even need to do.
I would say things like, “Work takes up too much of my time, and afterwards I’m tired.” Or, “The weekend isn’t long enough to get things done, so why bother.”
So I took the entirety of August as vacation time and put together a list of items that I would get done.
The month passed and I hardly put a dent in that list. It reminded me of this Mr. Lovenstein comic:
Where did all the time go? Why didn’t I get the things done?
The time didn’t fly to me. And I did get things done, just not as much as I expected, or could have done. However, most of the time when I had free time, I found myself spending time instead on YouTube and social media.
I even scheduled time to do things I needed – like learning, reading or writing – but I found myself weirdly avoiding doing those things I planned. I found it incredibly hard to focus and motivate myself to do those things. I would find myself unconsciously going to YouTube or Reddit, and even when I catch myself, just allow myself. “What’s a few minutes?” I would ask, which would turn to an hour.
Even now as I’m typing this I find the pull to do other things almost irresistible.
So even with much available free time on my hand, I couldn’t muster the will to actually do anything. So while I often blame work or other parts of life for holding me back, it’s really I am to blame for blocking any kind of progress.
I am deliberately sabotaging my growth.
Why is this happening? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Burnout? Pure, unadulterated laziness?
I don’t know, but I hope that just by starting to write again I can get back on my road to success – whatever that may be.