For quite some time, I have been questioning what am I really doing? And for why am I doing it? And recently it’s been getting worse. I put it to a mid-life crisis, but this has been a question on my mind for more than a decade.
Over the past few days, I thought about it a little more.
At first, I thought that my main goal was to be super successful. But I realise now that is not the case. I mean, I want to do important stuff. If I get a chance to save the world, why wouldn’t I take that chance? But that’s not my goal. I just want to do cool stuff.
My main goal is ensuring that my family is taken care of financially, which is the only reason that I’ve been working where I am now. Not for a career. Not for status. Not for influence. Just to provide for my family.
If that were a given – that my family would be taken care of financially – I would spend the days learning about stuff and teaching it to others. Just doing things that I think could make others’ lives just a little better.
The thing is that while my main goal is providing for my family, I find myself neglecting them for the work that I’m doing in the hope of providing for them. There’s a contradiction here.
If I know what I would like to be doing with my time, and what is my ultimate need, then it should be simple to determine the best way to resolve the contradictions.
At least, you would think so.