One of my work colleagues died today.
Only a few months after finding out she had cancer.
She was only the second one of our colleagues to pass this year.
The first gave us a pause. Then we moved one.
This one gives us a pause again. And as before, we would probably move on.
But I do have to wonder, what is it all really for?
I’ve always been a hard worker. Not a workaholic, but certainly spend long hours in the office. And take work to do home as well.
But I don’t think that makes me a workaholic. I can stop if I wanted to.
Yet, even today, after facing mortality again, I left the office at 7:30 PM.
And for what? My monthly report that’s due today.
When I consider what I waste my days doing, I keep asking if this is really what I want to do. And if not, then what?
I still don’t have an answer.
At this point, I can say that I don’t want this. Management is not my thing. I spend the day feeling as if I didn’t make a mark on the world today. I didn’t create something of value.
I’m a maker, not a manager.
What I don’t know is how to make the shift without drastic measures.
Like just quitting my job.
I feel obligated to put all my effort into the job I’ve been hired to do. It’s difficult for me to shift my mind to something else, even if it’s something I want to do.
But I need to do it. Because I’m running out of time.
I watched this video today:
It’s nothing new. It’s not even that powerful. But I did think about what exactly am I working for.
Am I living my best life now? The answer is no.
I shouldn’t have to face my mortality to answer that.